I am going to kill that f*@#$ing b#$tard for wat he has done 2 Katie. And to his son, Dylan.
Right, I am so f@#$%ing angry and pissed of at Dylan’s f$#%ing dad right now. I swear, if I ever meet him, the exchange will go something like this-
Dylan’s dad- Hello
Me- Hello. I am Rhoddie. How are you today?
Dylan’s dad- I’m very well thanks. And you?
Me- Not that good actually.
*WHACK! KABLAMOW! SMASH! POW! WHACK! SMASH! WHACK!*
(that was me beating him up btw)
Me- Now I’m much better!
Dylan’s dad- Groan.
Ok, that seems to have relieved a little stress. So, here’s what has happened… I think.
Katie rang Dylan up and Dylan’s dad answered. As he was passing the phone to Dylan, Katie heard him say- ‘If she mentions anything about depression, hang up straight away.’
It’s easy to see he’s never had to deal with depression before in his life! What did he think, the convo would go something like-
Katie- Hello Dylan.
Dylan- Hello Katie.
Katie- So…. how’s depression going?
Plus, even if she had wanted to talk about it, how did he think that it would make her feel? She rings up, looking for someone to turn to, to help her, and she gets hung up on! I can understand that Dylan’s dad is just trying to protect him, but could we please think about this? I know it’s the holidays, and most people’s brains have gone on vacation (namely mine. This morning, while trying to heat milk up to pour over my cereal, I managed to put the mug in the microwave and heat it up without any milk in it). Where was I? Oh yeah! I know most people’s brains have gone on vacation, but could we seriously consider other people’s feelings? F*$#%ing b#@%ard. I’ll f*$%ing murder him.
So I rang Katie up but I don’t think I managed to put her in a better mood coz I think she was still crying a bit at the end of the convo. Hopefully her family can cheer her up. I also texted Dylan telling him to txt Katie and cheer her up.
Oh yeah! Another reason why Dylan’s dad is my new enemy. Get this, he called Dylan being depressed, emotional weakness. Hang on, need to shout out swear words at the top of my voice.
Ok. Better. He seriously needs to get a grip on the current situation. Emotional weakness, wat a load of bull plop. Does he even know wat depression is? IT IS A F%$#ING ILLNESS YOU F%&*ING IDIOT, NOT A FLIPPIN WEAKNESS!!!!!!
Note to self, yell at Dylan’s dad. See if I can get the message through to him. Maybe volume might have some effect on him.
Oh yes! DYALAN REPLIED! =D =D I’ve been soooooo worried about him. He replied to that txt I sent him last night so I was soooooo relieved when he replied. He seemed to be in a good mood. I don’t know how long it will last with a dad like that around though. F&*$%ing b$#%tard. I was going to call him and tell him off over the phone but Katie wouldn’t give me Dylan’s home phone number. Ah well, I’ll get it some other way. And mark my words when I say this-
I will not forget about this, I will not let it slide, I will not let him get away with it, I will not leave the score unsettled, I WILL GET HIM BACK. No one, I repeat, NO ONE upsets my friends and get away with it, as I have made very clear in the past.
So, to finish off, cheer up Katie! So, one idiot who has really no clue about wat u and Dylan are going through isn’t that fond of you. So what? It isn’t going to make Dylan like you less, or care about you any less, is it? Coz wat u hav got 2 remember is, Dylan isn’t his Dad. He does care about you, and he does want to talk to you and he does understand about depression, even if his dad doesn’t. And trust me wen I say this, if that f&*#ing b#@$ard (meaning Dylan’s dad) gets in between u and Dylan, I will find out Dylan’s home number, and I will call his dad and I will yell so loud at him everyone who is in the house will have their ear drums burst (except Dylan coz I would have forewarned him about this so he will be wearing earmuffs).
I’ll call u some time tomorrow (Katie). Well, actually, it depends on wen u read this coz u see, I’m typing this in a word document on my laptop so I’m going to post it 2morrow morning some time so technically, I’ll ring u some time today.
Anyway, c u ppl.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas and Other Miscellaneous Stuff
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE… for yesterday.
OMG. Yesterday was such an awesome day. And OMG, guess what! My parents, gave me, A NEW PHONE *squeal*. I could hardly believe it when I opened it. You know how in cartoons when the characters open their mouths in surprise and their jaws drop all the way down to the floor and their eyes bulge out? Well I’m pretty sure that is exactly what I looked like when I opened it. I seriously couldn’t believe it. A phone?! DO you know how much those things cost? A lot. It’s a slidey phone. WITH A CAMERA! My current phone doesn’t have a camera. Or blue tooth. Or anything else awesome. SO I was so happy when I got a new one. =D
Anyway, also for Christmas I got a lot of books, two music CDs, a packet of sour straps and various other chocolate and a lot of other awesome things that I really can’t be bothered to type out, but it was really AWESOME!
And then for lunch and the rest of the arvo me and my family headed off to the grandparent’s place, and that was also AWESOME! My grandma had done up the table for lunch soooooooo nice. For each place at the table, everyone had a name thingy to show them where to sit, a cracker, a scratchie (I won $2 on mine and my grandma won $6) and a lucky seat number. So, my grandma being the awesome grandma she is, had some awesome starters as wel. Ok, so get this, she had a choice of either prawns or spring rolls, and she had them, wait for it……. Wait for it……. in shells! She had these massive shells and she had lettuce and the spring rolls/prawns sitting on top! I t looked soooo nice! And then we had the main course which was, needless to say, delicious. My grandma is an excellent cook. AND SHE MADE THE POTATO BAKE! =D I love my grandma’s potato bake! =D And then for desert she made trifle and chocolate but unfortunately I could only have a little bit of trifle because I was sooooo full. Has anyone seen that Monty Python sketch where there is this guy at a restaurant and he’s eaten soooo much and then the waiter talks him into having an after dinner mint so he eats it and then explodes? Well, that’s how I felt.
So then we pulled the crackers and read out the jokes which were terrible even by my standards and we did the scratchies and the lucky seat prize. And then we opened the other prezzies and then we talked and stuff a bit more and then we went home. SO it was an awesome day. =D
Well, the day bit was awesome. And part of the night was awesome as well coz we played around with our prezzies and then Katie called me (she got back from Samoa) despite basically falling asleep as we were talking on the phone, so I really appreciated that and it made my day that bit more awesome. But then came the other part of the night. The part which I have been dreading for a while now. The lying in bed bit trying to get to sleep but not being able to because my subconscious decides to put me through the torture of making me thing about… stuff. I tell myself stories, of Katie cutting herself, and… and committing…. I can’t type it. But last night it didn’t start out about Katie. It started about Dylan. About getting this phone call in the middle of the hols from the police, telling me what had happened. Collapsing on the floor crying like I’ve never cried before. And then the story switched to Katie. Her in the middle of the night… because all this was too much for her…
So because I couldn’t sleep, at like, 11:30 last night I txted Dylan begging him to reply or to txt/call Katie so we knew that he was OK. I kept checking my phone every 2mins from then on to see if he had replied, which was pretty unlikely considering the time, but I couldn’t help myself. I ended up putting my phone in one of the draws in my desk so I could get to sleep. I haven’t checked it for about 45mins, so he might of replied. I’ll check it after I’ve finished typing this.
And so, to end on a more positive note, Odog’s party is coming up soon. A fancy dress scavenger hunt along in a public, busy area. I think I might go as a ladybug if my old costume still fits. Anyone else got any ideas?
So I’m going to go check my phone and figure out a costume.
Lotsa love,
Rhoddie (and that CAN BE a chick’s name)
OMG. Yesterday was such an awesome day. And OMG, guess what! My parents, gave me, A NEW PHONE *squeal*. I could hardly believe it when I opened it. You know how in cartoons when the characters open their mouths in surprise and their jaws drop all the way down to the floor and their eyes bulge out? Well I’m pretty sure that is exactly what I looked like when I opened it. I seriously couldn’t believe it. A phone?! DO you know how much those things cost? A lot. It’s a slidey phone. WITH A CAMERA! My current phone doesn’t have a camera. Or blue tooth. Or anything else awesome. SO I was so happy when I got a new one. =D
Anyway, also for Christmas I got a lot of books, two music CDs, a packet of sour straps and various other chocolate and a lot of other awesome things that I really can’t be bothered to type out, but it was really AWESOME!
And then for lunch and the rest of the arvo me and my family headed off to the grandparent’s place, and that was also AWESOME! My grandma had done up the table for lunch soooooooo nice. For each place at the table, everyone had a name thingy to show them where to sit, a cracker, a scratchie (I won $2 on mine and my grandma won $6) and a lucky seat number. So, my grandma being the awesome grandma she is, had some awesome starters as wel. Ok, so get this, she had a choice of either prawns or spring rolls, and she had them, wait for it……. Wait for it……. in shells! She had these massive shells and she had lettuce and the spring rolls/prawns sitting on top! I t looked soooo nice! And then we had the main course which was, needless to say, delicious. My grandma is an excellent cook. AND SHE MADE THE POTATO BAKE! =D I love my grandma’s potato bake! =D And then for desert she made trifle and chocolate but unfortunately I could only have a little bit of trifle because I was sooooo full. Has anyone seen that Monty Python sketch where there is this guy at a restaurant and he’s eaten soooo much and then the waiter talks him into having an after dinner mint so he eats it and then explodes? Well, that’s how I felt.
So then we pulled the crackers and read out the jokes which were terrible even by my standards and we did the scratchies and the lucky seat prize. And then we opened the other prezzies and then we talked and stuff a bit more and then we went home. SO it was an awesome day. =D
Well, the day bit was awesome. And part of the night was awesome as well coz we played around with our prezzies and then Katie called me (she got back from Samoa) despite basically falling asleep as we were talking on the phone, so I really appreciated that and it made my day that bit more awesome. But then came the other part of the night. The part which I have been dreading for a while now. The lying in bed bit trying to get to sleep but not being able to because my subconscious decides to put me through the torture of making me thing about… stuff. I tell myself stories, of Katie cutting herself, and… and committing…. I can’t type it. But last night it didn’t start out about Katie. It started about Dylan. About getting this phone call in the middle of the hols from the police, telling me what had happened. Collapsing on the floor crying like I’ve never cried before. And then the story switched to Katie. Her in the middle of the night… because all this was too much for her…
So because I couldn’t sleep, at like, 11:30 last night I txted Dylan begging him to reply or to txt/call Katie so we knew that he was OK. I kept checking my phone every 2mins from then on to see if he had replied, which was pretty unlikely considering the time, but I couldn’t help myself. I ended up putting my phone in one of the draws in my desk so I could get to sleep. I haven’t checked it for about 45mins, so he might of replied. I’ll check it after I’ve finished typing this.
And so, to end on a more positive note, Odog’s party is coming up soon. A fancy dress scavenger hunt along in a public, busy area. I think I might go as a ladybug if my old costume still fits. Anyone else got any ideas?
So I’m going to go check my phone and figure out a costume.
Lotsa love,
Rhoddie (and that CAN BE a chick’s name)
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Loyalty and Respect
I wrote this in a word documant last night but didn't get a chance to post it so I'll do it now-
Grrrrr. I’m so annoyed with my dad atm. It’s like he’s determined to prove that my school is really crap.
So at dinner he was going on how about how crap the assembly was. How the opening party was just being pompous and stupid by walking in and having the band play. He said that it was a stupid tradition and that they should already be seated when everyone else comes in. I wish that he could get through his head a sense of this little thing called respect. Us standing and waiting for them to come in is a sign of us respecting them.
And then he was saying how my school (which is academically selective) must be making the kids worse. Our principal was saying how all of our senior students for their exams and stuff got in the top two bands. He said that they should be getting in the top band only.
And then he was saying how the teachers were probably being lazy because they thought that they wouldn’t have to try as much to teach the kids stuff because they were already smart. If he saw, how hard our teachers had to work, to make sure that the work we had was keeping us busy, then he would never say that again.
He just pisses me off sooo much when he so unloyal. I am so loyal to my school, and when someone just calls it basically a crap place with lazy teachers who make the students’ results worse, I get so pissed off! =Z I’m just so frustrated with him! =Z
Where’s his sense of respect? Where’s his sense of loyalty? I don’t know where I got mine from, but it was definetly not from him! =Z =Z
Anyway gtg. Got to go to gym.
Grrrrr. I’m so annoyed with my dad atm. It’s like he’s determined to prove that my school is really crap.
So at dinner he was going on how about how crap the assembly was. How the opening party was just being pompous and stupid by walking in and having the band play. He said that it was a stupid tradition and that they should already be seated when everyone else comes in. I wish that he could get through his head a sense of this little thing called respect. Us standing and waiting for them to come in is a sign of us respecting them.
And then he was saying how my school (which is academically selective) must be making the kids worse. Our principal was saying how all of our senior students for their exams and stuff got in the top two bands. He said that they should be getting in the top band only.
And then he was saying how the teachers were probably being lazy because they thought that they wouldn’t have to try as much to teach the kids stuff because they were already smart. If he saw, how hard our teachers had to work, to make sure that the work we had was keeping us busy, then he would never say that again.
He just pisses me off sooo much when he so unloyal. I am so loyal to my school, and when someone just calls it basically a crap place with lazy teachers who make the students’ results worse, I get so pissed off! =Z I’m just so frustrated with him! =Z
Where’s his sense of respect? Where’s his sense of loyalty? I don’t know where I got mine from, but it was definetly not from him! =Z =Z
Anyway gtg. Got to go to gym.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Gotta be Somebody
Gotta Be Somebody Lyrics- Nickleback
This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I'll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
We'll play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my own breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go in on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there'
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go in on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up!
When you're lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
Because you never know but when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go in on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.
This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I'll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
We'll play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my own breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go in on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there'
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go in on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up!
When you're lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
Because you never know but when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go in on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Confused
It’s amazing how much a person’s mood can change within a few days. Especially if that person is a teenager. A few days ago I was on top of the world, but now I feel like crap.
I’m not quite sure of the real reason I feel this bad. Maybe it’s because Katie was thinking about suicide again last night. Maybe it’s because Dylan has been forgiven (he was being horrible to Katie because he was saying that he didn’t care about her problems) by Katie and I haven’t completely forgiven him yet and I feel that I should have. Maybe it’s because I feel like even though I try everything I can, and give it my all, I’m still not as close to one of my friends as someone who has just betrayed them. Maybe it’s because Katie isn’t going to be here next week. And maybe this is all enhanced by the fact that I’m soooo tired because I didn’t get a decent night’s sleep last night. That’s because I kept having nightmares. About Katie. Trying it again and succeeding. You know what I’m talking about.
I’m going to go now. I’ve got to get ready for gym.
Oh yes. Before I do go, I would just like to say how much I love Tae Kwon-Do and Gymnastics. They are like these awesome, pure things and when you do them, and are concentrating on them, you are free from the real world and what a cruel, scary place it is. They make me feel like because that they exist, everything is going to be Ok, and everything isn’t that bad, and that as long as they exist, there will be goodness and pureness and stuff in the world.
Anyway, cya
I’m not quite sure of the real reason I feel this bad. Maybe it’s because Katie was thinking about suicide again last night. Maybe it’s because Dylan has been forgiven (he was being horrible to Katie because he was saying that he didn’t care about her problems) by Katie and I haven’t completely forgiven him yet and I feel that I should have. Maybe it’s because I feel like even though I try everything I can, and give it my all, I’m still not as close to one of my friends as someone who has just betrayed them. Maybe it’s because Katie isn’t going to be here next week. And maybe this is all enhanced by the fact that I’m soooo tired because I didn’t get a decent night’s sleep last night. That’s because I kept having nightmares. About Katie. Trying it again and succeeding. You know what I’m talking about.
I’m going to go now. I’ve got to get ready for gym.
Oh yes. Before I do go, I would just like to say how much I love Tae Kwon-Do and Gymnastics. They are like these awesome, pure things and when you do them, and are concentrating on them, you are free from the real world and what a cruel, scary place it is. They make me feel like because that they exist, everything is going to be Ok, and everything isn’t that bad, and that as long as they exist, there will be goodness and pureness and stuff in the world.
Anyway, cya
Sunday, December 7, 2008
YAY!!!
TODAY WAS AN AWESOME, AWESOME DAY!!!!!!!! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
BECAUSE KATIE, MIT AND DYLAN CAME BACK TO THE GROUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
So I’m in a good mood. A really good mood. Mit is a good friend, and he’s sooooooooo much fun to have around and Dylan isn’t exactly bad company, is he? And Katie… KATIE IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
This morning I bit Dylan’s head off. Why? Because he was complaining about Katie. I should have been a bit gentler, but I really can’t stand it when someone says bad things about my friends. Especially when that friend isn’t there at the time. And that really pisses me off. And especially with Katie. One of the best friends I’ve ever had. I just couldn’t help myself I guess. Oh well. I think that he has gotten over it.
Also, something which has been kind of confusing/worrying me, is why Katie doesn’t tell me what’s wrong anymore. I really don’t know why. Maybe it’s coz… I don’t know, I really have no clue.
So anyway, I’m going to get onto this going away prezzie I’m making for Katie. The lucky thing, she gets to go to Somoa! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D Hopefully it’ll give her a break from the… the… ohh! I know! Hopefully it’ll give her a break from the movie that is our lives. ‘Why a movie?’ I hear you ask yourself. Well a movie because atm we’re in the bit of the movie that is all bad, and scary, and confusing, and frightening and worrying and stuff. But it’s like a movie, because you always know that it is going to have a happy ending, and it’ll all be good eventually.
But anyway, with that awesome concluding… thing, I shall leave. See ya!
P.S Also Sonja was here for the second half of the day! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
P.P.S Mit and Odog (or whatever we call him on here) have stopped fighting today! Thus ending World War III. YAY! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
BECAUSE KATIE, MIT AND DYLAN CAME BACK TO THE GROUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
So I’m in a good mood. A really good mood. Mit is a good friend, and he’s sooooooooo much fun to have around and Dylan isn’t exactly bad company, is he? And Katie… KATIE IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
This morning I bit Dylan’s head off. Why? Because he was complaining about Katie. I should have been a bit gentler, but I really can’t stand it when someone says bad things about my friends. Especially when that friend isn’t there at the time. And that really pisses me off. And especially with Katie. One of the best friends I’ve ever had. I just couldn’t help myself I guess. Oh well. I think that he has gotten over it.
Also, something which has been kind of confusing/worrying me, is why Katie doesn’t tell me what’s wrong anymore. I really don’t know why. Maybe it’s coz… I don’t know, I really have no clue.
So anyway, I’m going to get onto this going away prezzie I’m making for Katie. The lucky thing, she gets to go to Somoa! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D Hopefully it’ll give her a break from the… the… ohh! I know! Hopefully it’ll give her a break from the movie that is our lives. ‘Why a movie?’ I hear you ask yourself. Well a movie because atm we’re in the bit of the movie that is all bad, and scary, and confusing, and frightening and worrying and stuff. But it’s like a movie, because you always know that it is going to have a happy ending, and it’ll all be good eventually.
But anyway, with that awesome concluding… thing, I shall leave. See ya!
P.S Also Sonja was here for the second half of the day! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
P.P.S Mit and Odog (or whatever we call him on here) have stopped fighting today! Thus ending World War III. YAY! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Party Time
I had my Bday party today! It was awesome! I got heaps of great prezzies so thanks to all of my friends for that! And also a special thanks to Katie for her card. It meant so much to me =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D
But also I think it was sad for some people. It turns out that Mute has depression=C The poor thing. He seemed kind of sad and stuff and was sitting by himself in the corner of the pool (I had my party at an indoor swimming centre) so I tried to cheer him up and stuff but I don’t know if it did an good.
Also, Boofhead, who has recently rejoined our group, was crying at lunch (fish and chips, yummo). I went and gave him a hug and he said that he had had a bad experience with pools. I assumed that he didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t go into it.
And at the end, something was wrong with Katie, but she wouldn’t tell me what it was. And then I texted her and wouldn’t drop it, which I think kind of pissed her off, so I’m sorry about that Katie. But anyway, she told me what was bugging her, but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say it on here so I won’t just in case. Anyway, she told me what was wrong, but not why the circumstances occurred. Which is fine by me. I get so scared when there is something wrong and she doesn’t tell me about it. It makes me think that she’s going to try… something. You know what I’m talking about. But as long as she’s OK. You are ok, aren’t you Katie (if you’re reading this)? Don’t let whatever happened get you down. I’m sure it can be easily sorted out; whatever happened… well I’m not sure, because I don’t know what happened, but anyway… I’ll just stop typing this sentence now before I manage to make it any worse.
But overall, it was a pretty good day for me. I got to muck around with my friends, and I especially enjoyed the company of Dylan, Katie and Mit, who I haven’t had a chance to muck around with recently. I really miss all three of them. But anyway, I’m sure that they’ll come back eventually. And I enjoyed seeing Mute as well, who has been staying home so he can stay away form the stress for a while, which is probably a very very very good idea.
K gtg now. Teas ready.
Cya
Rhoddie
But also I think it was sad for some people. It turns out that Mute has depression=C The poor thing. He seemed kind of sad and stuff and was sitting by himself in the corner of the pool (I had my party at an indoor swimming centre) so I tried to cheer him up and stuff but I don’t know if it did an good.
Also, Boofhead, who has recently rejoined our group, was crying at lunch (fish and chips, yummo). I went and gave him a hug and he said that he had had a bad experience with pools. I assumed that he didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t go into it.
And at the end, something was wrong with Katie, but she wouldn’t tell me what it was. And then I texted her and wouldn’t drop it, which I think kind of pissed her off, so I’m sorry about that Katie. But anyway, she told me what was bugging her, but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say it on here so I won’t just in case. Anyway, she told me what was wrong, but not why the circumstances occurred. Which is fine by me. I get so scared when there is something wrong and she doesn’t tell me about it. It makes me think that she’s going to try… something. You know what I’m talking about. But as long as she’s OK. You are ok, aren’t you Katie (if you’re reading this)? Don’t let whatever happened get you down. I’m sure it can be easily sorted out; whatever happened… well I’m not sure, because I don’t know what happened, but anyway… I’ll just stop typing this sentence now before I manage to make it any worse.
But overall, it was a pretty good day for me. I got to muck around with my friends, and I especially enjoyed the company of Dylan, Katie and Mit, who I haven’t had a chance to muck around with recently. I really miss all three of them. But anyway, I’m sure that they’ll come back eventually. And I enjoyed seeing Mute as well, who has been staying home so he can stay away form the stress for a while, which is probably a very very very good idea.
K gtg now. Teas ready.
Cya
Rhoddie
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
My Nightmare
Its happened. She’s gone. From our friendship group.
I had to take the friendship bracelet she gave me off today. I kept crying every time I looked at it.
At lunch I decided that I couldn’t live without her anymore so I went to the quad to try and convince her to come back. Of course I managed to somehow make it worse. And I made her cry. :’-C
But she’s still gone. I can’t seem to be able to think about anything else. Anything. And I know that I’m just being selfish. Because Katie is happy now. Which I’m glad of. But I still can’t help wishing that she wasn’t gone. I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to survive. But I guess I might be able to live off the too-short periods of IA and VA. But we’ll see.
But as long as she is happy. That’s all that really matters atm, isn’t it? So maybe that fact will help me get out of bed in the morning.
And hopefully one of my reoccurring nightmares will stop now. Because I’m living it.
And Katie, I’m sorry that I’ve been such a bad friend. I’d still do anything for you.
I had to take the friendship bracelet she gave me off today. I kept crying every time I looked at it.
At lunch I decided that I couldn’t live without her anymore so I went to the quad to try and convince her to come back. Of course I managed to somehow make it worse. And I made her cry. :’-C
But she’s still gone. I can’t seem to be able to think about anything else. Anything. And I know that I’m just being selfish. Because Katie is happy now. Which I’m glad of. But I still can’t help wishing that she wasn’t gone. I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to survive. But I guess I might be able to live off the too-short periods of IA and VA. But we’ll see.
But as long as she is happy. That’s all that really matters atm, isn’t it? So maybe that fact will help me get out of bed in the morning.
And hopefully one of my reoccurring nightmares will stop now. Because I’m living it.
And Katie, I’m sorry that I’ve been such a bad friend. I’d still do anything for you.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
...
I’m so miserable. I think that I feel as miserable as I have in my whole life. Or somewhere close to that. OK, I’ll write why I feel like this.
Mainly its because Katie was thinking about suicide again. She was going to do it after class a few days ago. And that’s why I bawled my eyes out twice today. In basketball and then at lunch.
And also I’m upset coz it seems like no one tells me what they’re feeling anymore. Like how Katie was going to try it again the other day? Why didn’t she trust me with that? Is it just coz I’m not close to her? I really don’t know. I just hate how no one will trust me. And I want to know why no one will trust me.
And that brings me to another thing. And just to make one thing very clear before I say this next part-
I KNOW THAT THIS IS REALLY SELFISH AND BEING A BAD FRIEND!!!!!
So, I still can’t seem to make myself get over the fact that Dylan is closer to Katie than I am. I would give up my life just to make her happy, I would do anything for her. I just… I just wish that I was close to her. Coz I don’t seem to be anymore. She doesn’t tell me stuff… I just wish that I wasn’t so different. I just wish that I knew what I could do to be closer to her. Ive tryed everything I can think of to be a better friend. I was thinking of giving up, I was going to just stop trying, but Katie means more to me than that. I'm never going to let my own emotions come before my friends, ever. So Im still going to try to be closer to her, even if it doesnt do anything.
Also, Im kind of confused why Mit isnt talking to me any more. Ive tried to support him and defend him the best that I can but he isnt talking to me now and I dont know what Ive done.
OK Im going now. Cya
Mainly its because Katie was thinking about suicide again. She was going to do it after class a few days ago. And that’s why I bawled my eyes out twice today. In basketball and then at lunch.
And also I’m upset coz it seems like no one tells me what they’re feeling anymore. Like how Katie was going to try it again the other day? Why didn’t she trust me with that? Is it just coz I’m not close to her? I really don’t know. I just hate how no one will trust me. And I want to know why no one will trust me.
And that brings me to another thing. And just to make one thing very clear before I say this next part-
I KNOW THAT THIS IS REALLY SELFISH AND BEING A BAD FRIEND!!!!!
So, I still can’t seem to make myself get over the fact that Dylan is closer to Katie than I am. I would give up my life just to make her happy, I would do anything for her. I just… I just wish that I was close to her. Coz I don’t seem to be anymore. She doesn’t tell me stuff… I just wish that I wasn’t so different. I just wish that I knew what I could do to be closer to her. Ive tryed everything I can think of to be a better friend. I was thinking of giving up, I was going to just stop trying, but Katie means more to me than that. I'm never going to let my own emotions come before my friends, ever. So Im still going to try to be closer to her, even if it doesnt do anything.
Also, Im kind of confused why Mit isnt talking to me any more. Ive tried to support him and defend him the best that I can but he isnt talking to me now and I dont know what Ive done.
OK Im going now. Cya
Monday, December 1, 2008
Argg Confusing
OK. I really need to talk about some stuff.
No I dont coz Katie can read this blog can't she? So, yes, I am upset about some stuff at the moment and I want to talk to you (Katie) about it but Im not going to. Coz youve got enough to worry about with your problems and Dylan's problems heaped on top of you as well. Plus, my problems are alot less important atm.
Well, anyway, I was going to write some more but anyway... since Katie is able to read this...
There has been another fight in our group. See Brian's blog and Stuchy's (Katie's) blog as well coz I really cant be bothered to write it again. Anyway, I really dont know wat to do any more. I guess its that helplessness feeling again. Im going to try and talk to both of them bout this tomorrow coz we really dont need another fight in our group at the moment.
Oh yes, and Mute isn't talking to anyone. He usually does (coz hes not really mute u idiot) hes just one of the quieter ones in our group, but when i say hello to him or ask him something he usually replies. But he wouldnt talk to anyone today. This frustrates me kind of because how am i supposed to help him if i dont know wat the problem is.
Grrr want to talk about some of my other problems but... no i wont. For Katie.
Anyway GTG.
Oh yeah ITS MY BDAY TOMORROW! There is 3hrs and 22mins left!
Cya
No I dont coz Katie can read this blog can't she? So, yes, I am upset about some stuff at the moment and I want to talk to you (Katie) about it but Im not going to. Coz youve got enough to worry about with your problems and Dylan's problems heaped on top of you as well. Plus, my problems are alot less important atm.
Well, anyway, I was going to write some more but anyway... since Katie is able to read this...
There has been another fight in our group. See Brian's blog and Stuchy's (Katie's) blog as well coz I really cant be bothered to write it again. Anyway, I really dont know wat to do any more. I guess its that helplessness feeling again. Im going to try and talk to both of them bout this tomorrow coz we really dont need another fight in our group at the moment.
Oh yes, and Mute isn't talking to anyone. He usually does (coz hes not really mute u idiot) hes just one of the quieter ones in our group, but when i say hello to him or ask him something he usually replies. But he wouldnt talk to anyone today. This frustrates me kind of because how am i supposed to help him if i dont know wat the problem is.
Grrr want to talk about some of my other problems but... no i wont. For Katie.
Anyway GTG.
Oh yeah ITS MY BDAY TOMORROW! There is 3hrs and 22mins left!
Cya
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Panic Attack
Im so scared and worried and stuff. I just watched this thing on NBN news and it was about how this girl had hung herself, and of course this made me think about Katie and Dylan. So I got really scared and upset and stuff and started bawling my eyes out coz Im so scared about what could happen with them. So I decided to come on MSN and wait to see if Katie comes on again and really hope she does coz I really want to talk to her just to make sure that shes alright coz Im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worried and scared and worried and scared and worried and scared and worried and scared coz I could never in all eternity go on without her. I could never ever go on if any of my friends died.
But anyway, even though I don’t want to admit it, at the moment Im still crying because Im so scared and worried and… yeah. I think that Ill text Katie now. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea
Ok, cya ppls.
But anyway, even though I don’t want to admit it, at the moment Im still crying because Im so scared and worried and… yeah. I think that Ill text Katie now. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea
Ok, cya ppls.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I feel bad...
At the moment I feel crap. Wanna know why? Well…
I feel bad because Katie feels bad
I feel bad because I’m worried about Katie
I feel bad because I’m also worried about Dylan
I feel bad because everyone in our group seems to be talking about someone else behind their backs
I feel bad because I completely lost it and yelled at Squirrel today (guy in my group who is supposedly what I’d be like if I was a male) and I shouldn’t of
I feel bad because of my jealousy
I feel bad because I’ve shown my jealousy
I feel bad because I think I’ve made Katie feel worse
I feel bad because I won’t see Katie again until Monday
I feel bad because I fail at debating (see previous post)
I feel bad because I’m worried about Katie (yes I know that I’ve already said this), and Dylan too
I feel bad because I don’t know how I can support Katie more
I feel bad because I don’t think that I’m supporting Katie enough (these last two go for Dylan as well, but mainly Katie)
I feel bad because I almost cried in I.A today
I feel bad because I feel sorry for Mit and what he’s been through
I feel bad because I’m so over this whole situation
I feel bad because I’m being selfish
I feel bad because a ten year old who has just started gymnastics has achieved more than I have in the six (almost seven) years that I’ve been doing it for
I feel bad because it seems like no matter how hard I try at something I’m never going to be good at it
I feel bad because the Christmas holidays are coming up. This is half good because, well, obviously, it’s this holidays! But the bad half (and quite a large half at that) is that I don’t get to see my friends for far too long.
And I feel bad because I’m worried about Katie (yes again)
I feel bad because I feel guilty for feeling bad because Katie and Dylan are much more important and I should be thinking about why they feel bad rather than why I feel bad and I also feel guilty because I’ve really got nothing that bad to feel bad about compared to various other people (eg. Some of my other friends (Brian, you know who you are) people a lot worse off than me (people with cancer, people in third world countries who are dying of famine))
So yes, glad I’ve got that out of my system.
One good thing about my life right now is that I’VE GOT TAEKWONDO TONIGHT! Time to let some of my frustration out. Whoever I’m doing free sparring against better watch out. I hope its Adam (my instructor). He sometimes joins in and I like sparring against him.
Oh yes, another thing that I feel bad about is that I miss writing. For those of you that don’t know yet, I’m writing a book and I haven’t been able to do anything on it recently and it’s amazing how much I miss it.
See ya
Rhoddie
P.S Good luck at debating you guys
I feel bad because Katie feels bad
I feel bad because I’m worried about Katie
I feel bad because I’m also worried about Dylan
I feel bad because everyone in our group seems to be talking about someone else behind their backs
I feel bad because I completely lost it and yelled at Squirrel today (guy in my group who is supposedly what I’d be like if I was a male) and I shouldn’t of
I feel bad because of my jealousy
I feel bad because I’ve shown my jealousy
I feel bad because I think I’ve made Katie feel worse
I feel bad because I won’t see Katie again until Monday
I feel bad because I fail at debating (see previous post)
I feel bad because I’m worried about Katie (yes I know that I’ve already said this), and Dylan too
I feel bad because I don’t know how I can support Katie more
I feel bad because I don’t think that I’m supporting Katie enough (these last two go for Dylan as well, but mainly Katie)
I feel bad because I almost cried in I.A today
I feel bad because I feel sorry for Mit and what he’s been through
I feel bad because I’m so over this whole situation
I feel bad because I’m being selfish
I feel bad because a ten year old who has just started gymnastics has achieved more than I have in the six (almost seven) years that I’ve been doing it for
I feel bad because it seems like no matter how hard I try at something I’m never going to be good at it
I feel bad because the Christmas holidays are coming up. This is half good because, well, obviously, it’s this holidays! But the bad half (and quite a large half at that) is that I don’t get to see my friends for far too long.
And I feel bad because I’m worried about Katie (yes again)
I feel bad because I feel guilty for feeling bad because Katie and Dylan are much more important and I should be thinking about why they feel bad rather than why I feel bad and I also feel guilty because I’ve really got nothing that bad to feel bad about compared to various other people (eg. Some of my other friends (Brian, you know who you are) people a lot worse off than me (people with cancer, people in third world countries who are dying of famine))
So yes, glad I’ve got that out of my system.
One good thing about my life right now is that I’VE GOT TAEKWONDO TONIGHT! Time to let some of my frustration out. Whoever I’m doing free sparring against better watch out. I hope its Adam (my instructor). He sometimes joins in and I like sparring against him.
Oh yes, another thing that I feel bad about is that I miss writing. For those of you that don’t know yet, I’m writing a book and I haven’t been able to do anything on it recently and it’s amazing how much I miss it.
See ya
Rhoddie
P.S Good luck at debating you guys
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Grrr I'm so over debating
Ok. 2day we had a class debate off 2 see who would get in the class debating team. The reason why Im so pissed at the moment is coz despite giving it my all, i dint make the team. This really bugs me caz i used to be a decent debator. In yr 6 i think we came runner up in the premiere's debating challenge with me as a third speaker. But now im being beaten by ppl who couldnt care less if they make the team or not. Its just frustrating me that even my best isnt good enough for even the class debating team. Did the ppl who got in give up their lunchtimes to go organise debating stuff? No. And even though ive tried my hardest i still fail. At not only the yr 8 debating team (i wasnt that disappointed with that as i am with this) but just the class debating team as well. And it pisses me off so much.
GTG
GTG
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Lol. Our Toilet Door
Hey ppls. Out toilet door is jammed. Lol. So, naturally, Dad’s in a bad mood after trying to fix it. This has resulted in the conclusion that we can’t get the door open and we’ll have to saw the handle off. I suggested calling a locksmith but Dad said that he would just come to the same conclusion.
I remember once before when I suggested calling a professional. It was when my light broke. It was just the bulb but when my Dad tried to replace it he bent the little things that held the light bulb in place. It was at this point that I suggested ringing an electrician. Dad decided that he could fix it himself. When he attempted to fix it, he ended up bending it more. It was only then that he decided to stop trying himself and to call a professional. And, in true Dad-like fashion, he hasn’t gotten around to this yet. So every night I am forced to feel my way over to my desk and turn the lamp on instead. As you might imagine, this has resulted in many stubbed toes.
So yes, we can’t get into our upstairs toilet. Oh wait, hang on, I’ve just looked out of the study door down the hallway. They have already taken the doorknob out. Hang on. BRB.
LOL! Rufuss went in the toilet and pulled the door shut and got stuck in there! LOL! We got him out though.
K. Going to do this stupid English assignment now… or not. Anyway, Cya.
I remember once before when I suggested calling a professional. It was when my light broke. It was just the bulb but when my Dad tried to replace it he bent the little things that held the light bulb in place. It was at this point that I suggested ringing an electrician. Dad decided that he could fix it himself. When he attempted to fix it, he ended up bending it more. It was only then that he decided to stop trying himself and to call a professional. And, in true Dad-like fashion, he hasn’t gotten around to this yet. So every night I am forced to feel my way over to my desk and turn the lamp on instead. As you might imagine, this has resulted in many stubbed toes.
So yes, we can’t get into our upstairs toilet. Oh wait, hang on, I’ve just looked out of the study door down the hallway. They have already taken the doorknob out. Hang on. BRB.
LOL! Rufuss went in the toilet and pulled the door shut and got stuck in there! LOL! We got him out though.
K. Going to do this stupid English assignment now… or not. Anyway, Cya.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Really Random Lyrics
Hey ppls
There have been some bits and pieces that I really like in some songs that I listen to. They mainly relate to boyfriends and stuff but when you take it out of the song I like to relate it to other stuff. Anyway, these two are both by the Veronicas.
All I Have (Well, some of it anyway)-
'Cause you're all I have
When the world comes down on me
You're the one I love
And I'm begging you to see
You're all, you're all, you're all I have
You are, you are the one I love
You are, you are, you're all I have
Your love for me was always there
Maybe too much for me to care
Now that I know I messed it up
I'd give my all to take it back
'Cause you're all I have
When the world comes down on me
You're the one I love
And I'm begging you to see
You're all, you're all, you're all I have
You are, you are the one I love
You are, you are, you're all I have
This Love (once again this is only some of it so it can be related to firends as opposed to boyfriends)-
Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I'm not around
I won't give in (won't give in)
I can't give up (can't give up)
On this love
I can't just close the door (on this love)
I never felt anything like this before(like this love)
Tell me the truth no matter what we're going through
Will you hold on too 'cause
Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I'm not around
I won't give in
I can't give up
On this love
So yes, hoped that you liked them. Also, I'm kind of confused about a guy, but I won't say anything about it yet. I'm not even sure if I even half like him. Plus, I'm not going to try and figure it out yet. Remeber how I was going on about priorities in that last post? Well, yes. This is a bit further down my list than certain other things.
And I've taken a new intrest in Haikus lately. Thy're a type of poem that has 5 syllables in the first and third lines and then 7 in the second one. They don't rhyme and often use quite a bit of symbolism and relate to nature and seasons and stuff heaps. I like writing them. They make me feel better.
Anyway, GTG. Massive boring English assignment that is due on Monday to finish. Groan. I hate it, it is so stupid and boring and... anyway GTG. Cya.
There have been some bits and pieces that I really like in some songs that I listen to. They mainly relate to boyfriends and stuff but when you take it out of the song I like to relate it to other stuff. Anyway, these two are both by the Veronicas.
All I Have (Well, some of it anyway)-
'Cause you're all I have
When the world comes down on me
You're the one I love
And I'm begging you to see
You're all, you're all, you're all I have
You are, you are the one I love
You are, you are, you're all I have
Your love for me was always there
Maybe too much for me to care
Now that I know I messed it up
I'd give my all to take it back
'Cause you're all I have
When the world comes down on me
You're the one I love
And I'm begging you to see
You're all, you're all, you're all I have
You are, you are the one I love
You are, you are, you're all I have
This Love (once again this is only some of it so it can be related to firends as opposed to boyfriends)-
Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I'm not around
I won't give in (won't give in)
I can't give up (can't give up)
On this love
I can't just close the door (on this love)
I never felt anything like this before(like this love)
Tell me the truth no matter what we're going through
Will you hold on too 'cause
Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I'm not around
I won't give in
I can't give up
On this love
So yes, hoped that you liked them. Also, I'm kind of confused about a guy, but I won't say anything about it yet. I'm not even sure if I even half like him. Plus, I'm not going to try and figure it out yet. Remeber how I was going on about priorities in that last post? Well, yes. This is a bit further down my list than certain other things.
And I've taken a new intrest in Haikus lately. Thy're a type of poem that has 5 syllables in the first and third lines and then 7 in the second one. They don't rhyme and often use quite a bit of symbolism and relate to nature and seasons and stuff heaps. I like writing them. They make me feel better.
Anyway, GTG. Massive boring English assignment that is due on Monday to finish. Groan. I hate it, it is so stupid and boring and... anyway GTG. Cya.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Time to Get my (insert swear word here) Priorities Figured Out
I’m so pissed at myself for being so selfish. My jealousy is the last thing that is important or even very remotely relevant. I’m still so scared. But I’m not going to let it show at school anymore. I’m going to be stronger for Katie and Dylan.
Anyway, this next bit is mainly directed at Katie when she reads it. I was going to talk to you about it at school this morning but more important things came up. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, as long as you get the message-
Don’t be worried about our relationship. I’m going to stay your friend forever, whether you like it or not. So I’m afraid that you don’t have a choice, you’re stuck with me. And anyway, we’ve got more worrying stuff to think about. We can sort this out after this is all over.
And I trust you as much as I ever have. It’s just that if I tell you my problems, you’re going to be worried about those as well. And the last thing that I want is for you to be more worried. AND WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF! You worry about yourself, Dylan worries about himself and the rest of our group worry about you both. So you both get a whole heap of people looking out for you both and worrying about you. See how it works? Happy now? Just worry about yourself before Dylan.
And you don’t have to fret about being torn between me and Dylan. It shouldn’t matter to either of us who you love more. As long as you love me to some degree, I’m completely happy. And Dylan needs you more than me at the moment. Love him more, he needs it. He needs it so much. I know that you love me, and I’m pretty sure that you will never leave me unless I truly deserve it and that’s all I’m worried about. But I don’t know what Dylan thinks. He might need someone to love him the most. And the best person for that is you, Katie. So do what you think is right. Don’t be torn between me and Dylan. It is obvious who needs you most at the moment.
Kill my livelihood?! Is that even possible?! It will never leave me and I will never leave you. See? Problem solved.
So yes, now to some more general stuff-
I printed out Katie’s last post on her blog coz I wanted to read it over and over again for some weird reason. And anyway, I let Mit and Sirk read it as well and then Dylan wanted to read it but I wasn’t sure. And then I let him read it at lunch and he went all upset and walked off by himself. Of course I went with him, I was too scared/worried not to. Mit came as well. So Dylan said that Katie being upset was all his fault, which it obviously isn’t. So when we eventually got back to the corner, he was still all sad so I suggested that we all go to the back fields and muck around like we always do. He agreed so our whole group went out and I think that this cheered him up. We stole his shoes and tickled the bottom of his feet and then poked him under the ribs which tickles him and just generally had fun. He seemed a lot happier going back at the end of lunch. I really hope that we put him in a better mood. I’m so very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very worried about him.
And I’m very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very worried about Katie as well.
Anyway, I am happy that Dylan feels better.
OK I’m going to go now. I’m going to try and enjoy what’s left of my Friday arvo (despite still being scared out of my wits) with NO TESTS TO STUDY 4 YAY!!!!!!!!
Cya
Rhoddie
P.S. There is something that is still nagging at the back of my mind. Something which I felt really passionately about today but I can’t quite remember what it was… It was something which got me really… angry I think. But I’m absolutely sure it wasn’t at one of my friends. At someone else…. Anyway, I’ll post when I figure it out.
Anyway, this next bit is mainly directed at Katie when she reads it. I was going to talk to you about it at school this morning but more important things came up. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, as long as you get the message-
Don’t be worried about our relationship. I’m going to stay your friend forever, whether you like it or not. So I’m afraid that you don’t have a choice, you’re stuck with me. And anyway, we’ve got more worrying stuff to think about. We can sort this out after this is all over.
And I trust you as much as I ever have. It’s just that if I tell you my problems, you’re going to be worried about those as well. And the last thing that I want is for you to be more worried. AND WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF! You worry about yourself, Dylan worries about himself and the rest of our group worry about you both. So you both get a whole heap of people looking out for you both and worrying about you. See how it works? Happy now? Just worry about yourself before Dylan.
And you don’t have to fret about being torn between me and Dylan. It shouldn’t matter to either of us who you love more. As long as you love me to some degree, I’m completely happy. And Dylan needs you more than me at the moment. Love him more, he needs it. He needs it so much. I know that you love me, and I’m pretty sure that you will never leave me unless I truly deserve it and that’s all I’m worried about. But I don’t know what Dylan thinks. He might need someone to love him the most. And the best person for that is you, Katie. So do what you think is right. Don’t be torn between me and Dylan. It is obvious who needs you most at the moment.
Kill my livelihood?! Is that even possible?! It will never leave me and I will never leave you. See? Problem solved.
So yes, now to some more general stuff-
I printed out Katie’s last post on her blog coz I wanted to read it over and over again for some weird reason. And anyway, I let Mit and Sirk read it as well and then Dylan wanted to read it but I wasn’t sure. And then I let him read it at lunch and he went all upset and walked off by himself. Of course I went with him, I was too scared/worried not to. Mit came as well. So Dylan said that Katie being upset was all his fault, which it obviously isn’t. So when we eventually got back to the corner, he was still all sad so I suggested that we all go to the back fields and muck around like we always do. He agreed so our whole group went out and I think that this cheered him up. We stole his shoes and tickled the bottom of his feet and then poked him under the ribs which tickles him and just generally had fun. He seemed a lot happier going back at the end of lunch. I really hope that we put him in a better mood. I’m so very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very worried about him.
And I’m very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very worried about Katie as well.
Anyway, I am happy that Dylan feels better.
OK I’m going to go now. I’m going to try and enjoy what’s left of my Friday arvo (despite still being scared out of my wits) with NO TESTS TO STUDY 4 YAY!!!!!!!!
Cya
Rhoddie
P.S. There is something that is still nagging at the back of my mind. Something which I felt really passionately about today but I can’t quite remember what it was… It was something which got me really… angry I think. But I’m absolutely sure it wasn’t at one of my friends. At someone else…. Anyway, I’ll post when I figure it out.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I've been selfish, and now I'm scared...
Right, so in that last post I still realize that I’m being a selfish pig. But anyway, I really need 2 talk about something else at the moment. I’l bash myself up 4 that 1 later.
I don’t want 2 brag or anything, but I don’t scare easily. I don’t have any phobias and I like snakes and bugs and all that ‘scary’ stuff. But today, I think the full gravity of this situation hit me. Katie could die. Just like that. I could go to bed one night, and in the morning, she could be gone. Forever. No second chances, I would never be able 2 talk to her or laugh with her or be with her ever ever again. And that… scares me. I’m really scared. This is the worst ever fear that I have felt and probably will ever feel in my entire life. It’s like fear in its pure form. I don’t know what 2 do. My whole body shakes uncontrollably if I don’t move for more than 2 seconds. But how can I help her? Is there any way at all that I can make sure that I will never lose her? There isn’t, is there? This is something which I can’t control. Something bigger and more powerful than I am, and I can’t stop it from taking my best friend away.
All I can do is hope that she defeats this before it is too late. Katie is one of the strongest people that I have ever met, and I know that she will surprise herself when she finds this strength. But I know that she has the power to defeat it. She’s not going to give up without a fight. I think it’s just a race now. Who makes it to the finish line first? Katie, or this depression? And that’s what scares me. I can’t do anything to help this, I am powerless. She dies, its game over. No other chances.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE? SURELY THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN DO TO MAKE SURE THAT KATIE WINS THIS RACE? I’D DO ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, TO MAKE SURE SHE WINS. AND WHEN I SAY ANYTHING, I MEAN ANYTHING! ANYTHING!
I’m so scared. Scared as anyone could ever possibly be. I can’t imagine how Katie must be feeling…
I don’t want 2 brag or anything, but I don’t scare easily. I don’t have any phobias and I like snakes and bugs and all that ‘scary’ stuff. But today, I think the full gravity of this situation hit me. Katie could die. Just like that. I could go to bed one night, and in the morning, she could be gone. Forever. No second chances, I would never be able 2 talk to her or laugh with her or be with her ever ever again. And that… scares me. I’m really scared. This is the worst ever fear that I have felt and probably will ever feel in my entire life. It’s like fear in its pure form. I don’t know what 2 do. My whole body shakes uncontrollably if I don’t move for more than 2 seconds. But how can I help her? Is there any way at all that I can make sure that I will never lose her? There isn’t, is there? This is something which I can’t control. Something bigger and more powerful than I am, and I can’t stop it from taking my best friend away.
All I can do is hope that she defeats this before it is too late. Katie is one of the strongest people that I have ever met, and I know that she will surprise herself when she finds this strength. But I know that she has the power to defeat it. She’s not going to give up without a fight. I think it’s just a race now. Who makes it to the finish line first? Katie, or this depression? And that’s what scares me. I can’t do anything to help this, I am powerless. She dies, its game over. No other chances.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE? SURELY THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN DO TO MAKE SURE THAT KATIE WINS THIS RACE? I’D DO ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, TO MAKE SURE SHE WINS. AND WHEN I SAY ANYTHING, I MEAN ANYTHING! ANYTHING!
I’m so scared. Scared as anyone could ever possibly be. I can’t imagine how Katie must be feeling…
Monday, November 17, 2008
This is Going to Get Worse Before it Gets Better
I’m not really that jealous any more. I’ve kind of squashed it up into a dense little ball and pushed it to the back of my mind. There’s bigger problems.
Katie is worse. She tried suicide again this morning and deliberately cut her hand. I tried to make her feel better, but I don’t know if it worked.
Me and Tasha (one of the friends in my group and my class) were talking about I it in Maths period One. We’ve decided that Katie and Dylan just venting their feelings to each other and no one else can’t be helping either of them. Now, this might just be the jealousy talking, but I think that they should tell other people about their problems. I mean, from what I have gathered, Dylan has attempted suicide as well. So keeping this between those two can only be making them more depressed, can’t it? Or maybe not. I don’t know, but I still think that it would be better if Katie, and Dylan, had a wider support network. So, to try and achieve this, me and Tasha spent all Maths lesson brainstorming some ideas in a spider diagram to make Katie feel better and to prompt her to widen her support network. One of the ideas which everyone in the group seemed keen on was to keep the two with the group as much as possible. At the moment, they spend all lunch and all recess either sitting upstairs from the group or walking around the school together. So, me and the group decided to let them do this for all of recess or half of lunch, and then get them to come back… but… OF COURSE, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE THAT WE HAVE TRIED, THIS FAILED DIDN’T IT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cut up some stuff so we could play this card game thing called Mafia, and Katie and Dylan, surprise surprise, left the group to go sit upstairs. So, we asked them to come down and they said that they would come down in a moment. We let them have five minutes, and the ten, but… next time, after about fifteen minutes we checked and they were gone! Right then I was on the verge of tears. (Well, just between whoever happens to be reading this and me, I did shed a few tears but I don’t think that anyone noticed) I don’t know what else to do! What if the next time she tries suicide, she actually does it? What if she dies? How could I go on? My best friend ever, gone. I couldn’t live anymore. I would probably commit suicide to. I just couldn’t live without her. But what else can I do? I’ve tried everything that I could possibly think of to get Katie to trust me enough to tell me what is going through her mind. If she doesn’t tell the whole group, couldn’t the best friend that I’ve had in my whole life tell me why she wants to die?
I’m sorry, the jealousy is flaring up again. I’ll try to keep it out of this.
But I’m just, like, crushed. What else can we do? We just want to help her, but she insists on keeping it to herself and Dylan. I’m so… frustrated. With this situation, that is, not Katie.
Anyway, back to the story.
We all split up and went looking for the two around the whole school, because the whole aim of this was to let them be with us too, so we can support them, which is kind of hard to do if we don’t even see them anymore. Which we don’t. Anyway, we found them. Me and Mit. They said that the reason that they left was that they needed to sort some things out. Which was fair enough but… I’m just so frustrated with this situation! Despite our best efforts, we still can’t support them. What kind of shitty friends are we, then? Our best friends (and in my case, the best friend that I’ve had in my whole entire life) rather go around the school when they are seriously depressed, by themselves, than sit with us. We must be really crap friends.
I just wish I knew why it is they won’t let us at least talk to them about this. Is it because we don’t understand? We’re not going to until they tell us what it is like anyway. Is it because Dylan is closer to her than I… I mean we as group will ever be to her? We’re trying our hardest to be there for her, to do whatever we can for her. We will do anything that Dylan will, and we love her just as much. Or is it because we are just terrible people? I don’t know.
I just want her to trust us. Why are we so different? What are we doing wrong, what are we doing that Dylan isn’t? Why won’t she trust us with what she thinks, what she feels? Why won’t she trust me? =’-C
I’ve GTG. I’m not in the mood much for typing anymore, surprise surprise… =’-c
Katie is worse. She tried suicide again this morning and deliberately cut her hand. I tried to make her feel better, but I don’t know if it worked.
Me and Tasha (one of the friends in my group and my class) were talking about I it in Maths period One. We’ve decided that Katie and Dylan just venting their feelings to each other and no one else can’t be helping either of them. Now, this might just be the jealousy talking, but I think that they should tell other people about their problems. I mean, from what I have gathered, Dylan has attempted suicide as well. So keeping this between those two can only be making them more depressed, can’t it? Or maybe not. I don’t know, but I still think that it would be better if Katie, and Dylan, had a wider support network. So, to try and achieve this, me and Tasha spent all Maths lesson brainstorming some ideas in a spider diagram to make Katie feel better and to prompt her to widen her support network. One of the ideas which everyone in the group seemed keen on was to keep the two with the group as much as possible. At the moment, they spend all lunch and all recess either sitting upstairs from the group or walking around the school together. So, me and the group decided to let them do this for all of recess or half of lunch, and then get them to come back… but… OF COURSE, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE THAT WE HAVE TRIED, THIS FAILED DIDN’T IT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cut up some stuff so we could play this card game thing called Mafia, and Katie and Dylan, surprise surprise, left the group to go sit upstairs. So, we asked them to come down and they said that they would come down in a moment. We let them have five minutes, and the ten, but… next time, after about fifteen minutes we checked and they were gone! Right then I was on the verge of tears. (Well, just between whoever happens to be reading this and me, I did shed a few tears but I don’t think that anyone noticed) I don’t know what else to do! What if the next time she tries suicide, she actually does it? What if she dies? How could I go on? My best friend ever, gone. I couldn’t live anymore. I would probably commit suicide to. I just couldn’t live without her. But what else can I do? I’ve tried everything that I could possibly think of to get Katie to trust me enough to tell me what is going through her mind. If she doesn’t tell the whole group, couldn’t the best friend that I’ve had in my whole life tell me why she wants to die?
I’m sorry, the jealousy is flaring up again. I’ll try to keep it out of this.
But I’m just, like, crushed. What else can we do? We just want to help her, but she insists on keeping it to herself and Dylan. I’m so… frustrated. With this situation, that is, not Katie.
Anyway, back to the story.
We all split up and went looking for the two around the whole school, because the whole aim of this was to let them be with us too, so we can support them, which is kind of hard to do if we don’t even see them anymore. Which we don’t. Anyway, we found them. Me and Mit. They said that the reason that they left was that they needed to sort some things out. Which was fair enough but… I’m just so frustrated with this situation! Despite our best efforts, we still can’t support them. What kind of shitty friends are we, then? Our best friends (and in my case, the best friend that I’ve had in my whole entire life) rather go around the school when they are seriously depressed, by themselves, than sit with us. We must be really crap friends.
I just wish I knew why it is they won’t let us at least talk to them about this. Is it because we don’t understand? We’re not going to until they tell us what it is like anyway. Is it because Dylan is closer to her than I… I mean we as group will ever be to her? We’re trying our hardest to be there for her, to do whatever we can for her. We will do anything that Dylan will, and we love her just as much. Or is it because we are just terrible people? I don’t know.
I just want her to trust us. Why are we so different? What are we doing wrong, what are we doing that Dylan isn’t? Why won’t she trust us with what she thinks, what she feels? Why won’t she trust me? =’-C
I’ve GTG. I’m not in the mood much for typing anymore, surprise surprise… =’-c
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Welcome to the Real World People- Life Sucks
OMG. It's been ages since I've posted but a hell of alot has been going on in my life.
The big thing is to do with the best friend that I've had in my whole entire life. It's been all my fault. My life is so messed up at the moment. I'll tell you what's happened...
I've gone against the one golden value which governs my whole life: loyalty. My friend, Katie, has been my best friend since close to the start of high school. She has been the closest friend that I've ever had and, I, I was a bitch to her, all over my stupid jealousy.
Katie has been going out with this guy called Dylan and I truly feel happy 4 them coz Dylan is one of my friends to but... I became jealous of how close they are. And I still am, kind of, I'll talk about that later.
I was so jealous coz, I realised that I wasn't as close 2 Katie as I thought I was. She's the closest friend that I've had in my whole life, but I've realised that... I'm not her closest. I'll never be the closest. ='-C No matter what I do, Dylan will always be closer. It just makes me so sad. The closest friend that I've had in my whole entire life, no matter how hard I try, or how much I love her, I will never be closer to her than Dylan. Well that's the way I see it anyway. This is the reason that I burst in to tears every 5mins at home. This is why all my friends keep asking me why I'm not myself and why I'm so sad at school all the time. Everyone!... except, well, nah never mind.
And so of course I had to open my big mouth, didn't I? I stuffed my loyalty to Katie and totally lost it one nigth on MSN. I said, 'u'll understand one day wen ur best friend eva is closer 2 her boyfriend than she is to u' And typical Katie, thought it was her fault and that she was being a horrible friend. I still can't beleive I said that. And with her deppression, it just took her from a high to suicidal.
SO anyway, we made up the next day. But I still feel like shit. Partly because by saying that stuff I went against my loyalty value, but mostly because of what I mentioned in paragraph 5. I don't know wat 2 do anymore.
I'd like to say a big thanks to Mit, who has given me heaps of supportt and stuff. He's awesome! He has a habit of making me feel better when I need it the most.
So GTG. HW 2 do, God knows how many tests 2 study 4. ANd Katie (u know who u r) if ur reading this, pay close attention to this bit-
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! ITS NOT UR FAULT THAT IM SO SAD, ITS MINE SO DONT THINK THAT IT IS UR FAULT.
So yeah cya
Rhoddy (or watever I'm calling myself on this.
P.S If u read this Katie, txt me, I want 2 know that u know that its not ur fault.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Me and My Peeps continued...
So anyway, after school I play the flute, do gymanstics and tae kwon do and umpire netball. As you might be able to tell, I'm the sporty type. Which is true. I love my sport.
So that's about it for my life. I will post some more stuff about me if I think fo SOmething that I haven't said yet.
Soz about all this boring stuff about myself but you might need it to understand what the heck I'm going on about most of the time.
GTG now.
Rhoddy, over and out.
So that's about it for my life. I will post some more stuff about me if I think fo SOmething that I haven't said yet.
Soz about all this boring stuff about myself but you might need it to understand what the heck I'm going on about most of the time.
GTG now.
Rhoddy, over and out.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Me and My Peeps
Dear anyone who happens to be reading this,
Now that I've figured out my settings... I think... I'll tell you a bit about me and my life.
I'm turning 14 this year and have two little bros called Pete and Rufuss. My paretns are still together and we have a typical family life. We also have two cats and I have a hermit crab. I used to have seven hermit crabs actually but they died :'-C
Anyway, I go to a selective high school and have a group large group of friends there. Guys and girls. I love my friends. We have so much fun. At lunch and recess we go out onto the back fields and run around like nuts. Kicking the AFL ball around, having a game of hybrid AFL/NRL or just mucking around. One of our fave things to do at the mo is to tackle each other and then drag each other around. It's heaps fun.
I also do a heap of things after school.
Oops GTG now. Pete wants to get on. I'll write later.
See ya.
Now that I've figured out my settings... I think... I'll tell you a bit about me and my life.
I'm turning 14 this year and have two little bros called Pete and Rufuss. My paretns are still together and we have a typical family life. We also have two cats and I have a hermit crab. I used to have seven hermit crabs actually but they died :'-C
Anyway, I go to a selective high school and have a group large group of friends there. Guys and girls. I love my friends. We have so much fun. At lunch and recess we go out onto the back fields and run around like nuts. Kicking the AFL ball around, having a game of hybrid AFL/NRL or just mucking around. One of our fave things to do at the mo is to tackle each other and then drag each other around. It's heaps fun.
I also do a heap of things after school.
Oops GTG now. Pete wants to get on. I'll write later.
See ya.
Time to Start Blogging
Dear whoever is reading this,
Well hi for a start. I'm... hmmm. I won't give you my real name coz I'm gonna talk about some pretty personal stuff. I'll just say that I'm... Rhoddy. Yes that's a nice name.
I'm relatively new to blogging so forgive me if I'm a little ignorant of what goes on around here. But just bear with me I'll figure it out in the end.
The main reason I've started this blog is I want to kind of sort out my life. It's surprisingly complex.
Anyway I'm gonna go now. I'll have a look around the rest of this site.
Well hi for a start. I'm... hmmm. I won't give you my real name coz I'm gonna talk about some pretty personal stuff. I'll just say that I'm... Rhoddy. Yes that's a nice name.
I'm relatively new to blogging so forgive me if I'm a little ignorant of what goes on around here. But just bear with me I'll figure it out in the end.
The main reason I've started this blog is I want to kind of sort out my life. It's surprisingly complex.
Anyway I'm gonna go now. I'll have a look around the rest of this site.
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