Right, so in that last post I still realize that I’m being a selfish pig. But anyway, I really need 2 talk about something else at the moment. I’l bash myself up 4 that 1 later.
I don’t want 2 brag or anything, but I don’t scare easily. I don’t have any phobias and I like snakes and bugs and all that ‘scary’ stuff. But today, I think the full gravity of this situation hit me. Katie could die. Just like that. I could go to bed one night, and in the morning, she could be gone. Forever. No second chances, I would never be able 2 talk to her or laugh with her or be with her ever ever again. And that… scares me. I’m really scared. This is the worst ever fear that I have felt and probably will ever feel in my entire life. It’s like fear in its pure form. I don’t know what 2 do. My whole body shakes uncontrollably if I don’t move for more than 2 seconds. But how can I help her? Is there any way at all that I can make sure that I will never lose her? There isn’t, is there? This is something which I can’t control. Something bigger and more powerful than I am, and I can’t stop it from taking my best friend away.
All I can do is hope that she defeats this before it is too late. Katie is one of the strongest people that I have ever met, and I know that she will surprise herself when she finds this strength. But I know that she has the power to defeat it. She’s not going to give up without a fight. I think it’s just a race now. Who makes it to the finish line first? Katie, or this depression? And that’s what scares me. I can’t do anything to help this, I am powerless. She dies, its game over. No other chances.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE? SURELY THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN DO TO MAKE SURE THAT KATIE WINS THIS RACE? I’D DO ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, TO MAKE SURE SHE WINS. AND WHEN I SAY ANYTHING, I MEAN ANYTHING! ANYTHING!
I’m so scared. Scared as anyone could ever possibly be. I can’t imagine how Katie must be feeling…
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5 comments:
rhoddy (or whatever, lets call you r) its Katie
I just read this stuff.... OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (before i start i love your analogy on the whole race thing) i love you sooo much!!!! dylan and I, i feel, are growing further apart now, but i dont know why coz i feel like he sometimes doesnt want to talk to me and i worry about him so much.
anyway r, i absolutely hate it like no tomorrow when you are sad - it kills me. I loved it in lunch and art today when you laughed and smiled and just joked around. it felt normal.
and i like how you write on here how you are feeling coz it helps me to see what you are feeling like too.
(oh and dont worry, I'm on a high so im not depressed at the moment or anything)
I've got myself the same bracelet as i gave you so we can always be together no matter what.
so keep writing, and remember I love you soph!
oh and im gonna win that race!
Hey Rhoddy
Where the hell did you get that name anyways? It's so random and outta place!
Good to hear from ya too, Stuchy :)
Gosh I sure wish I wasn't sick, then I could be at school with yas. It's really getting me down atm, and my parents are really picking up on that ...
I worry so much about you too, katie / Stuchy (what on earth should i call u?!). And you Rhod. Cos us r some of the strongest peeps I've known and to know that u can be affected so ...
Anyway, I'm no good at this sentimental stuff, so I'll stop now. See yas soon, hopefully. Probably not tomorrow, I have doctor's appointments ...
thanx katie (and i only call u that coz i know that u hate it lol
ill try not 2 be so sad. im just so worried and frightened about wats going 2 happen
anyway, thanx, both of u. its good 2 know that u hav confidence in both of us sinja. cant wait till i see u at skool again
oh yes, i got the name rhoddy from 'the merlin consipiracy' book. its so awesum. u 2 hav got 2 read it
thanx guys.
ill try 2 be happier. im just so worried and frightened about what will happen. but anyway. as u get better i think that i will 2
and missing u sonja! thanx 4 having confidence in me and stuchy!
i got the name rhoddy from 'the merlin conspiracy'. its such an awesome book both of u need 2 read it
oh... so it did already post. just ignore the second one then lol
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