Welcome to the Real World People- Life Sucks

OMG. It's been ages since I've posted but a hell of alot has been going on in my life.

The big thing is to do with the best friend that I've had in my whole entire life. It's been all my fault. My life is so messed up at the moment. I'll tell you what's happened...

I've gone against the one golden value which governs my whole life: loyalty. My friend, Katie, has been my best friend since close to the start of high school. She has been the closest friend that I've ever had and, I, I was a bitch to her, all over my stupid jealousy.

Katie has been going out with this guy called Dylan and I truly feel happy 4 them coz Dylan is one of my friends to but... I became jealous of how close they are. And I still am, kind of, I'll talk about that later.

I was so jealous coz, I realised that I wasn't as close 2 Katie as I thought I was. She's the closest friend that I've had in my whole life, but I've realised that... I'm not her closest. I'll never be the closest. ='-C No matter what I do, Dylan will always be closer. It just makes me so sad. The closest friend that I've had in my whole entire life, no matter how hard I try, or how much I love her, I will never be closer to her than Dylan. Well that's the way I see it anyway. This is the reason that I burst in to tears every 5mins at home. This is why all my friends keep asking me why I'm not myself and why I'm so sad at school all the time. Everyone!... except, well, nah never mind.

And so of course I had to open my big mouth, didn't I? I stuffed my loyalty to Katie and totally lost it one nigth on MSN. I said, 'u'll understand one day wen ur best friend eva is closer 2 her boyfriend than she is to u' And typical Katie, thought it was her fault and that she was being a horrible friend. I still can't beleive I said that. And with her deppression, it just took her from a high to suicidal.

SO anyway, we made up the next day. But I still feel like shit. Partly because by saying that stuff I went against my loyalty value, but mostly because of what I mentioned in paragraph 5. I don't know wat 2 do anymore.

I'd like to say a big thanks to Mit, who has given me heaps of supportt and stuff. He's awesome! He has a habit of making me feel better when I need it the most.

So GTG. HW 2 do, God knows how many tests 2 study 4. ANd Katie (u know who u r) if ur reading this, pay close attention to this bit-

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! ITS NOT UR FAULT THAT IM SO SAD, ITS MINE SO DONT THINK THAT IT IS UR FAULT.

So yeah cya

Rhoddy (or watever I'm calling myself on this.

P.S If u read this Katie, txt me, I want 2 know that u know that its not ur fault.