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I’m so miserable. I think that I feel as miserable as I have in my whole life. Or somewhere close to that. OK, I’ll write why I feel like this.

Mainly its because Katie was thinking about suicide again. She was going to do it after class a few days ago. And that’s why I bawled my eyes out twice today. In basketball and then at lunch.

And also I’m upset coz it seems like no one tells me what they’re feeling anymore. Like how Katie was going to try it again the other day? Why didn’t she trust me with that? Is it just coz I’m not close to her? I really don’t know. I just hate how no one will trust me. And I want to know why no one will trust me.

And that brings me to another thing. And just to make one thing very clear before I say this next part-
I KNOW THAT THIS IS REALLY SELFISH AND BEING A BAD FRIEND!!!!!
So, I still can’t seem to make myself get over the fact that Dylan is closer to Katie than I am. I would give up my life just to make her happy, I would do anything for her. I just… I just wish that I was close to her. Coz I don’t seem to be anymore. She doesn’t tell me stuff… I just wish that I wasn’t so different. I just wish that I knew what I could do to be closer to her. Ive tryed everything I can think of to be a better friend. I was thinking of giving up, I was going to just stop trying, but Katie means more to me than that. I'm never going to let my own emotions come before my friends, ever. So Im still going to try to be closer to her, even if it doesnt do anything.

Also, Im kind of confused why Mit isnt talking to me any more. Ive tried to support him and defend him the best that I can but he isnt talking to me now and I dont know what Ive done.

OK Im going now. Cya